kept in His hands

I had been tossing and turning all night. I just knew any minute the phone was going to ring to tell me the dreaded news that my best friend was dead. Just hours before, I was sitting in the ICU waiting room wondering if this nightmare was ever going to end. She had gone in for a fairly routine surgery procedure but nothing was ever routine with Lynette. Something went terribly wrong and it went unnoticed until the day after surgery when she became unresponsive. She was immediately transferred to ICU in hopes of getting her stabilized enough to run the tests needed to find out exactly where the problem was. But by the worried and puzzled look on her doctor's face, I knew she might not make it that long. "Your daughter's a very sick girl", I heard the doctor say to her parents. Exhausted and distraught, I reluctantly agreed to go home for the night with the promise from her dad that he would call me if there was any news.

As I laid there in bed feeling frustrated and helpless, I remembered what a pastor friend had told me earlier that day. I needed to pray. "You need to talk to God about Lynette...and you need to listen, he said. I was new to this God thing and prayer seemed so mechanical, so forced, but desperate times call for desperate measures so I prayed because it was the one thing I could do. I didn't know what to say and it ended up being a pretty short prayer. I do remember praying that phone wouldn't ring though.

It was about 3:30 in the morning and I was still awake. I had been through some close calls with Lynette before but this was the closest one yet and I was terrified. I had never lost anyone so close to me before. My whole body was shaking. The day's events kept racing through my mind and the fear of that phone call kept building. I rolled over on my right side, squeezed my eyes shut real tight and waited for unconsciousness.

I saw something. It wasn't a dream because I know I was still awake, but I saw it crystal clear inside. It was like a movie playing in my head and I watched it all from a side view. I saw a cupped hand rise up and when it came into my eye view the hand opened up and I saw myself laying in the palm of it. I could feel the hand under me and it was the most awesome feeling. I don't know how long I laid there but soon I looked over and the other cupped hand rose up and into view and there in the middle of it was Lynette laying in a hospital bed. She wasn't in pain, she wasn't distressed, she was just laying there peacefully sleeping. It became clear to me what I was seeing...God was holding both of us. I was in His left hand and she was in His right. And then these words came into my head. I didn't hear them audibly but they were there..."It's under control" and "I wanted you". I didn't know what to think. It's under control. What did that mean? Was He telling me that she was going to pull through? Was she already dead and with Him in Heaven? Why hadn't anyone called me? I wanted you. What did He want me for? At some point after that I fell alseep. The phone never did ring.

Lynette made it through that night and after 94 days and two more surgeries, she was finally released from the hospital. It was touch and go for most of that time in the hospital and her parents and I faced each day not knowing what to expect. I tried to comfort them as best as I could. I didn't tell them or anyone else about the vision I had. I guess I was afraid of what they'd think of me if I did, but whenever some new medical problem with Lynette cropped up, I would tell them I didn't know what was going to happen but I knew it was under control. They agreed, and each time I said that it seemed to bring them peace.

Two years later, Lynette found herself back in ICU for yet another medical fiasco. It was a long drive home from the hospital on the last day I saw her alive. I was upset from watching her lay there in excrutiating pain and I was gripping and twisting my hands around the steering wheel when those familiar words came back to me. I began repeating over and over "she's in Your hands God, whatever happens, I know You're in control". I got a phone call late that night that she had died.

I don't know who you are or what situations you are facing, but I do believe God's holding you right now and He wants you to know you are kept in His hands and it's under control.