Mr. B.

I was looking up some information on the net tonight and ran across Mr. B's picture. He's the head coach for a high school football team. There was a bio under his photo that said he has been teaching for 34 years in the district and he's been coaching for years so he's pretty well known around here.

When I was a Senior in high school Mr. B was my Health class teacher, an elective class I took for the hell of it. I was 17 and my life was out of control then. I was worried sick about my drug addicted boyfriend who was now constantly threatening to kill himself. What made it even worse was I was hiding all of this from my family. It was my big secret and I was feeling overwhlemed by it all. We had been going out for a few years and both of us spent most of that time getting high together but after seeing how the drugs were destroying him, I was trying my hardest that year to stay clean. Needless to say, it was a pretty bad year for me.

One day as I was leaving class and heading to the next, Mr. B followed me out. My guard went up immediately. Teachers had always intimidated me so I tended to keep my distance from them and they generally kept their distance with me too. Mr. B stopped me and asked if I was ok and told me that he noticed I had changed since the beginning of the year. I tried to blow him off by telling him everything was fine. He talked a little bit longer and then gave me that line about how he was there for me if I ever wanted to talk, blah blah blah. I don't remember the whole conversation but at some point I broke down and agreed to meet with him later that day on the bleachers by the baseball field. It was an awkward conversation. I couldn't make eye contact with him so I ended up staring off into the distance. And the whole time I'm talking, he's sitting there listening to me and chowing down on a nice juicy red apple...typical teacher. Funny how you remember those kinds of details years later. Of course, not much was resolved from our conversation. He said he would be willing to talk to my boyfriend and help in any way he could and promised to keep everything confidential but my boyfriend said no. My hands were tied. Still, it felt good to tell someone about what was going on and I spent the rest of the year worrying about him and trying to keep my own head above water. I still didn't trust Mr. B much but as the year went on I realized he was one of those special teachers that really did care and at graduation time, he was the only teacher I wanted to sign my yearbook.

I ran into Mr. B maybe a year or two later one Friday night (game night) at the 7-11 down the street from the school. He was there getting a snack before the game and I had left my boyfriend in the car while I ran in real quick for a sugar fix. It was strange seeing Mr. B again. The conversation was very short with mostly small talk and then it got serious. He asked me if my boyfriend and I were still together and if he was still using and sadly, I had to tell him that nothing had changed. During my Senior year, he had always gently encouraged me to break up with him and that night was no exception. I told him the good outweighed the bad in the relationship. It was a lie I told him and a lie I told myself for five years until I finally ended the relationship.

I never saw Mr. B after that encounter in the 7-11 but I've often thought about him. I've even considered calling him or sending him a letter just to let him know how well I'm doing now and how much I appreciated him taking the time to help me but I always stop myself thinking he won't remember me after so many years have past. Maybe I'll run into him again someday...